Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
