On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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