I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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