well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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