plz talk dirty to me
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
