allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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