I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
