dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
