Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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