If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
