we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
