I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
