I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
