So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
