I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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