she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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