Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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