I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
