this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
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He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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