Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
