I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
