my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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