Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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