Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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