i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
