My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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