somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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