I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i tasted like america
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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