Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
