Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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