if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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