i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
