wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
