I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
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we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
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I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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