Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
