just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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