Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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