We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
