In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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