i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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