According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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