You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
