craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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