I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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