he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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