Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
