Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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