she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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