After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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