Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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