someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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