he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
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He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize