the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
