I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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