we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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