btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
