then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
