We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
