why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Boobs are out for the taking
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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