don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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