Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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