fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
