I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
