I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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