So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
