Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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