You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
