I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
